Boo!

“Obey your parents”  (Eph 6:1-3)

In a few hours, my high school barkada will be leaving for the beach. And yes, my parents have once again forced me to stay home. I’m really not surprised ‘cause just the other day they did the same when I asked I can go with my college barkada to my hometown and with my religious orgmates to an amusement park. With the first two, I just let them be ‘cause I really can’t do anything. But this time, I had enough. I talked back to my dad and well let’s just say it wasn’t the best idea. LOL. We ended up shouting at each other. Bzz.

I really don’t know why they have to be strict. Have they forgotten that I’m already 19?  This is one of the biggest cons of being the youngest child. Guh. I JUST WANT TO DRINK WITH MY FRIENDS ON THE BEACH. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? :( 

So my friends are pushing me to “escape” my parents’ lockdown and go with them. I’ve been seriously thinking about it for the past 100000 hours but yeah, I can’t do it. It’s not that I’m scared or anything, it’s just that KARMA IS MY BESTFRIEND and I’m 100% sure that if I go with them, something bad is bound to happen. 

I guess I’ll just spend the whole day hiding underneath my quilt, sleeping away my sorrows. Lol. 

#loser

“Like the rising sun that shines from the darkness comes a light, I hear Your voice and this is my AWAKENING.”

It’s official, SCHOOL YEAR 2011-2012 IS OFFICIALLY OVER! And I have to say, God gave me one heck of a year!

They say that your junior year in college is supposed to be a test. A test to see if you are right for your chosen career. This is the year wherein all your subjects are supposed to push you to your limits. And if by some fortunate event, you do surmount all the challenges the year had to offer, well let’s just say, all you’d be doing next is to wait for your diploma.

I was tested, alright.

Well unfortunately, I am an irregular student. Being an irregular student, I was not allowed to take all the courses that are being taken by my classmate. In short, I had it easy. Having said that, I had all the time in the world. 

And with all that time, lot of things happened. Too much, that I cannot even remember all of them. So I’m listing the top 3 that’s on my mind right now. Maybe in the next few days, I’ll remember more stuff and I’ll post more bla bla bla bla…

ANYWAY.

NUMBER 3.

NUMBER 3. NUMBER 3.

I was elected as the VICE PRESIDENT of a religious-based org in our college. Well (technically) my term isn’t supposed to start for another month but yeah. 

NUMBER 2. NUMBER 2.

I have once again managed to fail another subject. That’ll be my third one since I started college. And my failed unit count has gone up to 14. 14 lec + lab units repeated. WASTE. OF. TIME. Until now, I seriously don’t know why I failed these subjects. In any case, I blame my professors. 

NUMBER 1.

*drum rolls*

I, Jose Mari P. Ferrer, have managed to trick someone into becoming my boyfriend. Yes you heard that right, I HAD a boyfriend. Lol. Err we dated for more than 2 months or so the our relationship lasted for a little over 4 months. I know, IT ENDED SO SOON. But what was I supposed to do, he was taken by a higher power away from me. Oh he didn’t die or anything, let’s just say that he was called to do better things and having me in the picture isn’t really “morally right”. But yeah, we parted ways last January 16 and I’m proud to say that WE ARE FRIENDS. GOOD FRIENDS at that. And to those who believe that exs can’t be friends, well your wrong. Well atleast I think you’re wrong. LOL. EXS CAN BE FRIENDS.

So yeah that’s mostly what my year was about. As much as I want to write more, I feel that my grammar and spelling is already failing me, which means… I NEED TO SLEEP. I have to catch up on some snooze time. I have proof of a year’s worth of sleepless nights under my eyes.

All in all, I guess I had a great year. I’m hoping for a better one next year tho. But yeah, it’s good. I’m good. It’s ALL GOOD

.

“Tandaan mong madami kang bagsak. Pakita mo muna sakin na may patutunguhan ka sa buhay…”

That was the last thing I heard before spacing out whilst talking to my mom last night. Imagine your mom, the only person in the whole wide world who you think would never ever or at least even try to hurt you, tell you that. Would you just shrug it off or would you let your “emotional self” get eaten up by this and just cry? Well, I chose the latter. This happened two nights ago after dinner time. I asked my dad if I could go with my friends to the province on Monday for an outing, and after thinking about it, he said YES. You’d think that’ll be that. I was already about to send my “YAAAY PINAYAGAN AKO” text to my friends when my mom came into the dining room saying that she disagrees and that my dad shouldn’t allow me to go ‘cause she thinks that I might die or something. So yeah, I just let her be while she was giving me a lecture about safety yada yada and that she doesn’t want me to go ‘cause they’ll be far away and that if something would’ve happened to me, I wouldn’t be that accessible or something. 

“Okay.”

That’s what I said expecting that the conversation would just die on its own right there and then. BUT NO, it went on and on and on and the BOOM, my mom gives out her best line ever.

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“How many more gay people does God have to create before we ask ourselves whether or not God actually wants them around?” (Simon, 2011)

Today, I’ve decided to stay home ‘cause I’m not really in the mood to go out and “socialize”. Well that… plus my mom won’t let me. Anyway, so I was on Facebook and I saw this post (<— click) on Outrage Magazine’s FB page about a mom in the USA who allowed her 5-year old son to wear a Daphne (from Scooby Doo) costume for Halloween. Yeah, complete with the orange wig, the pink boots, the green scarf. What struck me the most was what the mom had to say after the moms of the other kids “went wide-eyed and made faces as if the smelled decomp” and told her that she should have forbidden the little boy to wear such costume. All she said was…

“If a set of purple sparkly tights and a velvety dress is what makes my baby happy one night, then so be it. If he wants to carry a purse, or marry a man, or paint fingernails with his best girlfriend, then ok. My job as his mother is not to stifle that man that he will be, but to help him along his way. Mine is not to dictate what is ‘normal’ and what is not, but to help him become a good person.”

After reading the post, I went back to check out the other posts from OM’s FB group and I was shocked with the things that I’ve read ‘cause most (if not) were about LGBTQ youth bullying which more often than not led to suicide. I know how it feels to be an “oppressed” questioning kid. I’ve been there, the name calling, the judging stares, the endless monologues of my parents telling me to stay away from my friends ‘cause they think that I might catch their “lifestyle” or something. I know that I don’t really have as much self-esteem as the next guy BUT I never really thought that there are kids who would resort to killing themselves just to get away from all of the oppression. So I did my research, and read a lot more cases about this. And the I realized, what these kids need is a simple shoulder to lean on, a single ear to hear them out. ‘Cause let’s be honest, not everyone is blessed to have a friend or a parent who would really accept them for who they are. THEN I STUMBLED INTO SOMETHING…

THE TREVOR PROJECT. As written on their site; “The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and SUICIDE PREVENTION services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning youth.”

I checked out said site and I was ecstatic to see that there are other people who are really doing something about this problem! Their mission is to inform everyone about this “disturbing”/alarming issue that is actually very rampant in the states and the whole world even. They have this “around-the-clock suicide prevention and crisis intervention lifeline for the LGBTQ youth”. Alas, this hotline is only for US residents. So dug deeper into the site ‘cause I was checking if they have a counterpart or something here in the PHL. Sadly, there isn’t a “TrevorLifeline” here yet. The closest thing that I saw was this social networking site which I then checked out…

TREVORSPACE. At first glance, I thought it was just another LGBTQ site like DowneLink or Planet Romeo BUT NO.. I was wrong.This social networking site is up for a deeper and greater reason. This site is up for the youth (ages 13-24) from around the world to see other kids just like them who experience the same stuff as they do. So I REGISTERED.

Upon registering, kids from different ages began adding me up and messaging me welcoming me to the site. Being the “new kid”, I asked them about the site like what should I do or what to expect and what I got in reply… got me inspired.

So today, I spent the whole afternoon talking to kids from different places and I guess it feels nice giving my insight to others who needed it.

I URGE EVERYONE ELSE TO JOIN. THIS IS FOR A BETTER ‘CAUSE. :)

My TrevorSpace Profile :  http://www.trevorspace.org/viewprofile.cfm?id=647832 

THIS IS WHAT I DID TODAY. :)

—Casp

2:33 AM. 30/12/11.

[First of all, I would like to thank my bestfriend www.nkvp.tumblr.com for being the sweetest bestfriend in the world and for making a tumblr account for me.]

So it’s official, I’M NINETEEN years old! It’s my last TEEN year. Having said that, I’ve realized that (as cliché asi t may sound) there are still a lot of places I haven’t seen and a lot more things that I haven’t done!

Many would say that “Age is just a number.”. Well yeah, it’s just a number BUT think about it, would you still be able to do the things you are capable of doing now when you’re already 50? FUN THINGS.

So this year, I’ll try something different. This year, I’ll be doing some stuff that I’ve always wanted to do in the past but didn’t really have the guts to actually do it. This year… I’ll try to change all the negatives into positives. This year… I’LL TRY A NEW ME.

With this, I will challenge myself to do a 365-day thingo, which I shall call “Casper’s 365-day thingo”. For each day that will have passed (from now on), I will post something. With this, I’ll try to record (with words, photos and maybe even videos) my last teen year! So…

FOLLOW. WATCH AS I TRY TO FIND MYSELF AND GROW TO A BETTER ME…

Because…

Nobody can be a TEEN FOREVER.

Love,

Casper